As an attractive, outgoing young woman living, working and playing in Manhattan, I get hit on a lot. Well, more than a lot! (Hear that? Beep, beep. The sound of me tooting my horn.) But unlike most women, I remember every pick-up line, especially the ones I reject. Pick up lines have always intrigued me. A few days ago, as I was walking down Sixth Avenue in my post-gym workout glow, I was approached by an older man whom I had rejected four years ago. Let's call him Mr. Producer. At first, I did not recognize his face when he stopped me innocently enough to ask for directions to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA). But as soon as he dropped his epic pick-up lines, his memory immediately clicked in my mind. I didn't remember where we'd met, but I recalled he used the exact same pick up line back then. He was a shameless pick-up artist. But I'll give the guy credit. Since our last encounter, he had honed his pitch and, had I been another girl on the street, it may even have worked. Nonetheless, I was amused by the coincidence of running into the guy again and wanted to hear his full pick up game. After all, there's always something to be learned from every experience. Here's what single guys can learn from this one:
Always approach a woman from the front and ask questions for which NO is not an answer.
If you meet a woman in the streets or in public, you should always approach her from the front. When a man approaches a woman from the front she feels less threatened and less likely to fight or take flight. The encounter is face-to-face and the man automatically appears self-assured. Confidence is one of the most attractive features in a man. And women can sense that immediately. On the contrary, when a man approaches a woman from behind or a non-visible corner, the nature of the encounter feels predatory. A man becomes the predator stalking the woman, his prey. Thus, women are likely to become defensive and revert to our natural fight or flight instincts, leaving you in the dust. Furthermore, Mr. Producer's asking for directions deflected the spotlight from me. This was not a yes or no question, so there wasn't opportunity for me to say no to it. Rather he gave me an opportunity to help him, which made me feel better, as well. I did not feel he was targeting me for anything else other than directions that thousands of tourists seek out every day. This happens to be one of the most successful icebreakers -- asking a beautiful woman for advice. If you are in a grocery store, ask her what brand coffee she recommends or if you are at a bar, ask her for a drink suggestion. Ice melted! Mr. Producer could have asked for directions to the Apple store or Times Square, but an art museum showed he had cultural interests. Another plus.
Customize your compliments matter.
Mr. Producer complimented my lovely speaking voice.
Personalized compliments make a much greater impact on beautiful women than generic ones. If the woman you have your eye on is impeccably dressed, is wearing delicious perfume, or possesses an intangible attractive quality, pay her a specific compliment that speaks to her individuality. It sounds less like a recycled pick-up line. Once Mr. Producer had succeeded in getting my attention, he told me I had a beautiful speaking voice and asked if I ever do voice-overs. Yes, voice-overs for commercials and cartoons. He also claimed to be a producer for Nickelodeon and MTV. Now, like most attractive women, I receive a plethora of superficial compliments on my appearance, my height, my body. These compliments, while appreciated, seldom leave a lasting impression with me. Beautiful women are some of the most insecure beings I know. To constantly be judged an appreciated for one's appearance can be unnerving. I have only once received a compliment from a stranger on my voice. That was four years ago. And from the same man who now stood before me. The uniqueness and frankness of this compliment was enough to buy him more time with me. He'd only just met me, so any compliments on my character, my ambition or my intelligence would have sounded disingenuous and judgmental. The fact that he saw beyond my physical beauty was impressive, and further endearing. And unlike the gamut of sleazy New York fashion photographers who promise attractive young women their big break, he was a producer for a kid's network. Not so sleazy, right? (Insert sarcastic tone)
Display honesty as soon and often as possible
Mr. Producer said he was married, before I had a chance to ask.
It is never too early to show a woman that you can be honest and reliable. How did Mr. Producer accomplish this? After paying me a compliment, he told me that he was not hitting on me and in fact he was married. This showed he was honest and forthcoming. I've gone out with men before who've waited to the second or third date to reveal that they have a Mrs. at home, an unforgivable faux pas. Displaying characteristics of honesty and trustworthiness early on helps men succeed with women in the long run. When I asked him why he wasn't wearing a ring, he replied that he and his Mrs. have a relationship based on trust. (Awww, how admirable.)
Take control.
Mr. Producer went to great lengths to convince me he was a "boss".
Women like men who are decisive, assertive, offer security and command the respect of others. Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Just ask Bill Clinton. As Mr. Producer was speaking, he interrupted himself to answer his iPhone, which never rang. Let's suspend reality and assume it was on vibrate. My eyes were fixed on its screen for the duration of his 2 minute call and it remained dark. That's right, he took a fake phone call while with me. The purpose of it was clear: to establish his power presence, as women find men in positions of authority more appealing. The context of his fake phone call was to his fake assistant confirming his fake flight to LAX the next day and to convey a message to his fake wife. He also told the fake assistant he was currently busy and would talk later. In one fell swoop he demonstrated authority, alluded an exciting bi-coastal lifestyle, and by hanging up on the fake assistant to resume conversation with me, he showed me I was his priority at the moment. (You couldn't make this stuff up!)
Lies will discredit you entirely. Don't lie. Don't get caught in a lie.
Mr. Producer is not a producer.
When Mr. Producer stated he was a television producer and suggested that I look into voice-over work, I asked for his business card. Most people who work in media and entertainment have company business cards to hand out on occasions such as this. He proceeded to show me his "business card," a single dog-eared orange Nickelodeon business card with no name or title stuffed into an old wallet's plastic partition, which is normally used to showcase one's driver's license. It could have belonged to anyone. Mr. Producer made no effort to extract the worn out business card from his wallet or hand it to me. Instead, he flashed it quickly, like a cop flashes a badge, and put it away. Lies discredit you completely. Its that simple. Don't tell them. If you do, don't get caught. There are no comebacks.
Having had enough of Mr. Producer's pick up treatment, I excused myself and once again left the pick up artist empty handed and alone. Ultimately, the strategies he used can definitely help men talk to more women. Confidence, sweet talk and ostensible displays of candor may yield you a phone number or two, and maybe a first date. But the fact that his entire pick up routine was based on lies discredited him completely. Pick up lines may work in the short term, but to achieve lasting success with women, it is important to focus on honesty, open communication and creating genuine connections.
Photo Credit: Banksy, Larry Flynt's Hustler Club, NYC
